Surgeon General Warning

Knitting Causes Seizures. No, you won't see this warning on the yarn wrapper, but I believe it's nonetheless true. As I came home from the grocery the day before yesterday, I found my girlfriend on the floor in the kitchen. She said she was feeling as if she would pass out. I told her to lie down as I got her a cold washcloth. A few moments later, she had a seizure.

She was out for a just a few seconds, but they were tense and frightening seconds. She eventually came out of it and a few seconds after that, had another, longer one. At this point, I called 9-1-1.

Something similar to this happened about 7 or 8 years ago, but nothing before or since. She was humiliated and embarrassed that I had called the paramedics, but I was scared and I didn't know what else to do. Her parents came over after the fact and insisted that she simply passed out, but it wasn't fainting. Although I'm no MD, I saw it. Her eyes were open and her body muscles stiffened. This was a seizure, damn it!

By the time the paramedics arrived, she was feeling better, but a bit woozy. She didn't feel she needed to take an ambulance trip to the ER, so she turned away the paramedics. The following day, after being nudged by a co-worker, she went to the doctor and succumbed to a battery of tests the results of which we don't know yet.

Since the seizures, I'm been asking myself what could have caused this. Could it be an abnormal brain wave, low blood sugar, God forbid a tumor? She smashed her finger in the dryer door prior to having the seizures, but I have concluded that knitting is the culprit. Thanks to Needlefingers, my girlfriend has been knitting during every spare moment. She has also began purchasing large quantities of yarn and now has as least three storage containers filled to the brim with knitting paraphernalia. She's like a crackhead looking for a fix. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that knitting has to be the reason behind it. My hypothesis is further evidenced by Needlefingers missing a day of work the same day of my girlfriend's "episode". Coincidence? I think not! My scientific evaluation may be flawed by some standards, but it stands up to logic. Knitting is bad for your health!

I feel sure my girlfriend is fine and we may never really know what happened to her, but in my mind, the repetitive scrapping and clicking of needles and beautifully twisted yarn will be at fault.